Old Post - Nov 5, 07

Already done -

Reordered meds, dismantled bedding, Suite editing, Bemused work, other Bella work, dropped off car at Ford for servicing, paid rent, returned misc items to 3rd floor.

Still to do -
Pick up meds at Rite Aid, wash bedding, Lush store return, Walking Company store return, look at Territory Ahead baggage, Find Sephora receipt and do return, make online Lush order, more Suite editing, Paula order, Flylady order, put MyFico on blogroll, make 5th wedding anniversary RSVP at Space Needle for Friday, emotional conversation with a friend, find Rite Aid receipt, do Rite Aid return, Osiris meeting, notes on design & layout for Bemused.

And My Insomnia -

I also still cannot sleep through the night. Maybe it’s a Fall thing, but I seem to be ruminating again. I can’t turn my brain to the OFF switch. A friend recommended trying Benadryl or Tylenol PM instead of taking on real meds like Ambien. When I run out to Rite Aid, I’ll try one of those.

Old Post - Nov 2, 07 - Walking in the Sun

I did go for a walk in the sunshine and it was lovely. I collected leaves and pine cones and enjoyed the sun on my face. Living in an apartment facing east really robs me of actual useful sunlight. By the time I wake up and get moving I have entirely lost the sun.

I really have to stick to my guns about living in a place that faces south or southwest.

I didn’t deposit the bank checks but I dropped off library books and found a house for rent that might be worth looking into. I called and left a message. It’s an actual HOUSE, with a yard, in the sun with three bedrooms, for far less money than we are dribbling out each month here.

Old Post - Starlog Nov 1, 07

Afternoon Plan, 6pm: BellaOnline editor’s chat. I can also multitask and continue editing Suite articles and order free songs from emusic. I assume Dan will work on his projects and be happy for the time alone.

This morning: I’ve been editing Suite and working on the BeMused Review Journal. I also vacuumed, unloaded and put away dishes, walked the dog, swished and swiped, watered and misted plants, emptied trash, aired out apartment, swept the floors, dusted wood surfaces, Lysoled kitchen, swept the porch, hung jackets, hung notes on friend’s doors in the apartment building, brushed the couch.

Right now, 2pm: Assessing my day. Dan just called and told me to go outside in the sun. Possibly I could bring some checks to the bank, which would be triple-tasking (workout, errand and sunshine). Yet I feel reluctant to get off my successful “roll” of getting things done.

I still need to: workout, put away laundry and run a towels load, do facial treatment, shine the sink, empty vacuum, take down recycling, plan Paula’s Choice order, light candles, find The Walking Company shoes receipt, floss, bring can of food downstairs for food drive, bring Vancouver books down to reading room, make new food shopping list, put chips and other food away, make calls for Redmond apartments on Craigslist and write another travel article.

It would also be nice to take a bath.

Old Post - Someday I will Catch Up (Oct 07)

We never made the errands to town yesterday afternoon, but I did have an 80 minute workout, so that’s something positive. Tonight at 6pm I have a Bellaonline editor’s chat and I have been trying to get my Suite editing under control. I now have only 150 articles left to review. Sheesh.

And as an Involvaholic I really hate being behind. It makes me look incompetent, and like I am fooling people into believing I am good at what I do. A psychologist friend says I am ruminating, overthinking and overworrying. Maybe so. I can’t seem to stop. All I want to catch up so I can feel good about myself, and then give myself permission to goof off a little.

Action Plan: to not leave the apartment or make any plans with people until I feel I am getting on top of my Things To Do. Then maybe I will be able to get some sleep.

Old Post - Oct 30, 07

This week - Establish theme art for the blog. Something that reminds me of what the inside of my head looks like (scary). And then with ducks added. In a row.

Monday -

• Daytime do Suite catch up. Vacuum, clean hairs from vacuum, sweep and mop floors, download free music, read misc papers, recycle magazines, laundry, clean counters, swish and swipe, clean garbage disposal, shine sink, run and unload dishwasher.
• Afternoon do errands about town: drop off library books, deposit checks, return Lush Slammer and buy Ambrosia/bath bombs. Exchange shoes at The Walking Company (find receipt). Look at luggage at Territory Ahead.

Tuesday -

• Evening, 6pm, Bellaonline Editors’ Chat.

Wednesday -

• Evening - Library with Dan

Dan and I made a schedule for his time: Weekday early AM mornings he will work on his projects at his desk, go to work, come home and then blog on the couch so we can hang out together. On weekends we will have Saturdays to have fun time and outings, and on Sundays he will work on projects, workout/watch football.

I also need to make a workable schedule for myself, instead of sleeping in until 10 or 11, sometimes later, each day. Since I can’t sleep at night I take my sleep when I can get it - usually at an exhausted 6am. My ideas for fixing this:

• Get sleeping medications - for nights when nothing else works.
• Wake up 8am (with dawn lamp set for a half hour prior). Make bed into any semblance of order.
• Walk dog, shower, facial routine, brush and floss teeth, do Flylady’s Swish and Swipe.
• Start coffee, check emails, check Bella and Suite work for the day. Return emails. Eat breakfast.
• Edit articles for two hours.
• Break up the day with a workout. (possibly watch WNTW during workout?)
• Do errands and house stuff (declutter, Zone cleaning,work on ducks).
• When Dan is home, blog together, then start on evening’s activities.

Old Post - Oct 29, 07

Dawn Simulator Attempt 1

Last night Dan set up the Dawn Simulator to wake me slowly with warm “sunlight” over a period of 35 minutes. I slept through it. Until noon, to be truthful.

Why didn’t it work? Maybe because the bulb was pointed at the wall and therefore not “sunny” enough. Or because I woke up too many times at night and desperately needed the shuteye. Or possibly 35 minutes isn’t really long enough to create a realistic dawn for my brain?

I’ll try again with a longer cycle and direct the light smack into my face.

Old Post - Oct 27, 07

There is always so much on my plate, mostly because I am an involvaholic. Anything that sounds fun, I agree to. Anything I could learn from, or show off my skills and creativity, I eagerly volunteer to run. In addition, anything that sounds boring or draining, I avoid (for years and even decades for some pending items). It never really ends: I can’t catch up because I keep starting and avoiding more things. The mental exhaustion is a permanent state of mind.

My goal with this blog is to help get a handle on my problem (my name is Jill, and I am an involvaholic…), and connect with others with involvaholism. I’ll be documenting my attempts to get life under control, to learn to “just say no” to new projects, and actually carry current projects through to completion.

Old Life Post - Oct 28, 07

Today: I feel very behind. I had my family fly out for a week-long visit, and then I went to Vancouver for a short work-related walkabout. Like I have time for that. Every day I spend hosting people or traveling I get further behind in my editing work, the house doesn’t clean or declutter itself, and the ducks start quacking. I can’t hear myself think over the noise in my head. I definitely can’t sleep.

Things to deal with today and this week:

• Are we moving to Redmond? Are we staying here in Bellevue for four months, for another year? This place is incredibly expensive for all of 600 square feet. We can save thousands of dollars and have much more space if we move…but then, moving is a big hassle. Hassles are not great for my sanity and this marriage. I need a fairy godmother to tell me what to do.
• I’m really caught up in this moving thing.
• Need a nightlight for traveling. I keep people awake whenever I share a room in a hostel or hotel; I can’t get to sleep without reading first. Makes me feel pretty crappy.
• Need better luggage for my lugging ways. Territory Ahead has some rugged bags that might withstand the abuse I heap on things, and look pretty Indiana Jones-esque to boot. Problem - which bag or combination of bags to buy? They ain’t cheap. What if I wreck the wheels - is there a guarantee? Are they fixable if I bust the seams? I tug my luggage for miles along sidewalks and up curbs…and I pack things to overflowing.
• We need binoculars if we are staying here - the view is too good to not really use it. I have numerous pairs in storage (in Arizona) and am reluctant to buy another. Yet every day here I wish we had a pair.
• I have a lot of things I need to return. And errands to run - Frodo’s nails, for one thing, are so long they are curling under. Nice, huh? Deposit some checks. And for some reason I hate leaving the apartment. It’s a scary world out there.
• I still can’t stop wondering if we are going to be moving.
• Download free music, figure out how to use iPod, organize phone categories.
• I need to find a therapist.
• Pay some attention to myself. Pedicure, eyebrows, facial gommage, etc.
• I have to figure out how to use the Dawn Simulator we bought a month ago, costing $180. Dan and I woke up at 3am and had a bizarre argument about this item last night. It’s supposed to help with SAD.
• Sell stuff on eBay and Craiglist; list books on Half.com.
• Our place needs some really good cleaning and decluttering.
• I need to call people back. I have actual friends I never return actual phone calls to. This is a source of low-level but constant guilt. I can’t seem to ever pick up the phone. It’s so much easier to crawl into bed and shut the blinds.
• Need to get back on my daily workout regime. I love working out. When I have disruptions in my routine - such as traveling or hosting visitors - I fall out of all good habits.
• Calls, non-personal. Call Sephora - missed one sample. Call Paula’s Choice - spray bottle only squirts. Call Sci Am - one issue arrived missing the entire innards. Call Scottrade to complain about credit issues. Follow up on several money owed situations that never resolved themselves on their own.
• Plan week ahead - library night? Workouts and programs to watch?
• Bathe stinky dog.
• Order supplies from Flylady.
• Drop stuff off at Goodwill.
• Take car in to check brakes.
• Find out if I can renew car plate tags outside of Arizona.
• Thank you cards - Ginger for gifts, Well Fargo for credit repairs, Jen Miner for hotel room sharing, Fiona for letting me crash on her couch.
• I hate figuring out what to eat every day. I often think about hiring someone to make easy, weekly low carb meals for us. Well. Okay, for me. Dan just eats cereal all day.
• I also wonder if I can outsource any work or worries to personal assistants - a la the Four Hour Work Week. Just pay $5 an hour to someone in Bangalore to follow up on my credit repairs, roll over my old 401K and research housing and jobs in Southern California.
• Decide if we are actually moving to Southern California next year.
• Need an update on meds for SAD and could seriously use sleeping medications. I just cannot sleep through the night and lying awake is getting old. I should research Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata, etc and see a doctor soon. Would OTC Benadryl do the trick? Is that considered abusing drugs?
• And figure out our travel plans for Christmas. We are thinking maybe just after Xmas itself and before New Years to save wear and tear on the wallet and/or brain pan.

These things aren’t even properly Ducks. These are just mostly pressing life irritations and misc things to be done. Running to stand still. When I feel more caught up, I can return my attention to getting my Ducks lined up. I am thinking 2008 will have to be another Year of the Duck, yet the very thought is exhausting.

An Obsession with Lists

One Year Goals, July 08 Update

Reassessing my one year goals:

1. “Have begun art portfolio” - It’s not time yet. It feels like autumn will be the time to start.

2. “Both our credit scores are good” - We’ve ordered them and they are still quite poor. I found that although I am out of default now on my student loans, they need to have me sign an official paper stating so, and THEN they will report my good behavior to the credit companies. I am awaiting the paperwork. YAY! On DH’s front I am having trouble getting his scores in - we don’t remember his security info from the last time we did this. They keep locking us out. So that is at a stall right now.

3. “All my stuff from Arizona is here” - My MIL has agreed to run out with me and at least unload my storage and get things from my friend’s house. The next step is to figure out how to get her here (it costs us 75 bucks in gas to go and pick her up and drop her off in LA). Also, driving across the desert right now is a horrible idea and this may have to be shelves until September.

4. “I have one or two ebooks up in Cosmetics” - Just adding regular weekly articles at this time.

5. “JillFlorio.com is up to date with all old articles and current ones and back online” - The site is still offline while I think about hiring someone to make a nice design for it.

6. “Cosmetics site is preloaded through end of the year” - Not my first priority right now but am loaded through the month at least

7. “Crestline Living is up to date and number one google result for Crestline” - This has been a big priority. I am adding content almost every day and using my social networks and misc blogs to promote it. I hired someone to make me a nicer design. I ordered free business cards from vista print and paid for 14-day shipping. I am still not ranking with google, but the specific searches are going well. Traffic is rising and i am number one for ‘crestline basics.’ I still doesn’t show up anywhere for just ‘crestline’ or even ‘crestline ca.’

8. “Break 500,000 in Amazon reviewer rank” - Broke this to the 200,000s already - yay! So new goal is to hit the teens in one year. Am adding tons of old reviews from previous articles, plus new reviews every few days.
9. Earning $1000 a month from my various projects - still totally broke. I think I am earning a hundred or two a month.

10. “go camping with dan or alone at least every three weeks” - we made plans through September so far

11. “Have an accountant/tax person and all business/taxes will be well in hand and no longer a source of confusion and stress” - Hired a friend to take all this on. Compiling a package of all my info and receipts/donations to send next.

12. “Up to intermediate level yoga poses” - I don’t really know when one can say they are there, but I really can do most of the intermediate poses. So revised goal is to be comfortably solid in the Intermediate camp in a year and playing around with Advanced poses.

13. “Office will be organized” - Haven’t started.

14. “Kitchen/utility room will be organized” - Haven’t started.

15. “Will have new flooring, ceiling fan and wall paint done” - We have hired a neighbor to help us with the last of the carpet and staples and to paint the wall. have not set a date yet. The fan is a sticking point - we actually need a legal contractor for that. Have not decided what to do about replacing the floor yet.

16. “Will have tried all local yoga classes and reviewed them for crestline living” - This is going well! I have gathered all the information and scheduled out when to go to what classes. I have a few down already - this is fun!

17. “Will no longer find getting packages to me as a nightmare” - Finally!!! it took six months but we figured something out that is working. This is such an unbelievable relief!

18. “Will have several control journals created and in use, including emergency plan journal” - DH and I talked about our emergency plans (where we will meet, what we will grab) but we still need to write out an Action Plan and update our emergency kits. Fire is a huge danger up here.

19. “Weight down to 120 to stay there, with under 20% fat levels” - Using the Milestone Sign weight loss plan, seems to be going there. I am trying to made sure I have a salad each day but keep forgetting.